I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
