Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
