Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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