I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize