watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
