I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
