So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
