and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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