Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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