Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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