Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Operation Purity has been aborted
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
