I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im holly from the hills drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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