they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life is so much better after having sex.
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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