I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
