My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
