just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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