I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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