can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
