you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
