VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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