When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
