I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize