I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
