I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
