He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
