I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize