He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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