Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
