do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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