You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
