Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
