just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
