I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
