No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize