The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
