I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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