He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
