dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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