someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
