dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
