ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i am craving dick and cupcakes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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