New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
