I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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