Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
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I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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