Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
