I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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