im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
