Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK