Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?

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(325): View more from Texas

Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(562): View more from California

the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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(303): View more from Colorado

She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole

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(779): View more from Illinois

Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us

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(804): View more from Virginia

Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life

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