I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol