I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.