Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint