i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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