Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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