Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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