I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
