Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
