im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
