Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
thus making me awesome and them whores
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
