Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
