Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
