Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
