I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
