It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
