We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
