Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
