thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
