I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
