My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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