In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
