I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
