i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
