ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We just shotgunned beers for America
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
