need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
